Where Does it Hurt

Where Does it Hurt?

The other day, my 1-year-old took her first tumble in the bathtub. After hitting her chin on the side of the tub, she slipped face-first into the water. I quickly swept her to her feet and began to examine her for injuries. She looked me directly in the eyes and cried at the top of her lungs. She wanted to know one thing, “Am I going to be okay?”

After finding no blood, bumps, or bruises, I held her in my arms and answered her question. “That was so scary but you are going to be okay, darling. Mommy is right here.” Within moments she quieted and went right back to playing with her bath toys.

Pain can be good. It tells us that something is wrong—that there is something that needs to be addressed.

I realized that my daughter’s response to her pain and fear was actually very healthy. She turned to me, her caregiver, and allowed me to assess her injury and give her comfort. It got me thinking about how I handle pain. Do I always go to God, my loving caregiver, and allow Him to assess my injury? To tell me if there is a wound that needs tending to?

The following day, I found myself hitting a wall. How many of you know that walls can hurt? So I came up with a solution: “I need a freaking piece of chocolate,” I said out loud. The chocolate tasted great, but it didn’t solve the issue. My prescription for the pain was insufficient.

In that moment, I could hear God whisper to my heart, “Come to me…Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”. In that moment, what I needed was the loving presence of my Caregiver, my Loving Father. I needed to spend some time with God and allow Him to assess my hurts. Like my daughter after her fall in the bath, I just needed God to tell me that I was in fact, going to be okay. It was an instance in which I just needed some perspective.

But sometimes our pain is an indication of an actual injury that needs tending. Perhaps an unhealed hurt, or a root of unforgiveness or rejection. We are walking wounded, trying to pretend that all is well—stuffing our faces with chocolate, our appointment books with activities, our minds with television. But these things can only offer temporary relief from the symptoms of our pain. They do not heal our injuries. We again find that our prescriptions for the pain are insufficient.

And there comes a point when our prescriptions for the pain can actually bring more pain. A point when they go from being insufficient, to destructive. It is when the chocolate becomes binge eating and excess weight that jeopardizes our health. When the pain of our loneliness causes us to look for connection in affairs and meaningless sex that jeopardize our families and our hearts. It’s when social drinking turns to drunken stupors, hangovers and missed work.

There comes a time when our prescription for the pain becomes our addiction. We are chasing after what we think we need when only one thing can satisfy.

God has a cure. He says, “Come to me” for “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Ps 147:3). In the arms of our Loving Caregiver, there is rest. There is safety. There is comfort. There is healing.

Written by Harmony Dust for Treasures
www.iamatreasure.com

Surrendering the Canvas: Understanding Sex Addiction

40 million adults in the U.S. regularly visit pornographic websites and 1/3 of these visitors are women. The question is “Why, and what does it have to do with us?”

What I am learning about sex addiction in its various forms is that it is about avoiding relational pain. Real relationships and intimacy force us to engage with people on a level where our hearts are open. This sort of intimacy is scary...especially for those that have been hurt. So people turn to fantasy and sex because when you are in fantasy, you can control the objects of your desire without risking relational pain. When you objectify someone by turning them into a fantasy in your head, you can control them. They can’t hurt you because they are not real humans…they are objects.

Even reflecting on my own past, I can see that engaging in sex work was largely about sexualizing my pain. I had been raped and abused and learned that intimacy=pain. Stripping offered me a false sense of empowerment and temporary relief from the pain I was suffering. I could pretend that I was in control and as long as I was in control, I could avoid the pain that true intimacy and relationship might bring.

Many people have a difficult time relating to the plight of the sex addict. But I would suggest that if we are honest enough to examine our own hearts, we might find some similarities. Most people spend time imagining what their life will look like. We paint a canvas in our heads of our marriages, careers, friendships etc. What happens when our expectations are shattered by life’s disappointment? Perhaps by the death of a loved one, the breakdown of a marriage or the loss of a career. How do we respond? Do get angry towards God and respond in bitterness? Or, are we willing to engage in true relationship with our Creator and surrender the canvas of our lives to Him. I too have painted a canvas of what my life would look like, but I have discovered that my canvas may not be consistent with the ultimate canvas that God is painting for me.

Are we willing to trust that He is good, and that His plans are good, even when they don’t look like the picture we have painted? If we cling more tightly to the canvas we have painted in our heads, than we cling to God, we too are trapped by fantasy.

Isaiah 42:16-17 says the following:
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. But those who trust in idols, who say to graven images, 'You are our gods,’ will be turned back in utter shame.

Fantasy is idolatry. It is putting trust in a graven image carved out by our minds. It is much easier to place our trust in something we can see and control, then to place it in a God we cannot see and cannot control.

True relationship and intimacy can be scary. Healing can be scary. These things require trust and courage to walk with God along unfamiliar paths by ways we have not imagined. But God, our God, wants to take us on this journey. He will make our rough places smooth and bring light where there is none.


We must allow God’s floodlight to penetrate our hearts, exposing the true source of pain so that healing can take place. Only then will we be able to see clearly what has propelled us to escape in fantasy. Only then will be able to surrender the canvas of our lives to a good God, knowing that He can do exceedingly, abundantly above all we can ask think or imagine!

Love, Harmony
www.iamatreasure.com


PS. I highly recommend the book “False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction” by Schaumburg.