Chasing other Lovers

A Treasure for You: The Treasures E-Devotional

Chasing other Lovers

I believe that one of the deepest desires of the human heart is for true intimacy. To be fully known and fully loved. Yet in my own life, for so many years, it seemed that the harder I chased after love, the more it eluded me.

My memoir, Scars and Stilettos, tells my story. Growing up, I never had a clear picture of what healthy love looked like. Abandoned by my father before I was a year old, sexually abused at the hands of multiple people—my picture of intimacy was completely skewed. I was so desperate for anything that resembled love, at the young age of 14, I slept with the first boy who came along and told me he loved me. He broke up with me soon after and raped me repeatedly over the course of the next year. Filled with hurt and shame, I remember thinking, “Is this what love looks like? Surely love can’t hurt so bad?”

The next relationship I became involved in quickly became emotionally and physically abusive. Still I stayed. Because “to him who is hungry, even what is bitter tastes sweet” (Proverbs 27:7). Although the relationship was bitter and painful, I preferred it to the alternative—being alone.

It was that relationship that led me into a world of selling myself in strip clubs. So desperate to keep my boyfriend from leaving me, I attempted to buy his love with the money I earned while dancing for other men. Once again, my skewed view of love brought me pain. For the next few years, I lay awake at night hoping, praying even, that if I tried hard enough, if I chased him long enough, he would love me one day.

How could I know what True Love looks like if I had never experienced it? It wasn’t until I began my relationship with God that I began to that it is patient. It is kind. It is not easily angered. True Love always protects.

It is no wonder that we crave intimacy so deeply. We were created for relationship. In Genesis, we learn that it was Eve’s eating of the forbidden fruit that brings separation between God and humanity, separation from our perfect intimacy with God. Eve has access to everything she would ever need to fill the longings and desires of her heart, yet she still chooses forbidden fruit. How often do we fall to the same temptation and create fracture in our relationship with God? How often do we try to fill legitimate needs in illegitimate ways?

For years, I chased after men, looking to them to fill me. Nowadays, I tend to turn to chocolate. Just last week I was having a frustrating day and the first thing I did was grab a piece of my favorite, dark organic chocolate. The chocolate was delicious, but it did nothing to ease my pain. My prescription was insufficient.

The real trouble comes when our prescriptions become our addictions. It’s when that piece of chocolate leads to binge eating, leads to obesity and compromised health. It’s when social drinking becomes I-just-need-a-glass-of-wine-to-take-the-edge-off, becomes excessive drinking, becomes alcoholism. It’s when a full social calendar becomes a lifestyle so bogged down with running from one appointment to another that we barely have a moment to catch our breath. Our prescriptions for our pain can become our addictions.

Ultimately, it is these insufficient prescriptions and addictions that stand in the way of the one thing that can truly satisfy—an authentic, unhindered relationship with our Creator. I believe that God is calling each of us to surrender the fragmented pieces of ourselves so we can experience true intimacy and love.

God is wooing you and I— hoping that we will give up our other lovers—whether they be man, woman, food, money, sex, busyness, beauty or something else. He knows the hollow end of those affairs. He knows that none of it will fill you like He can. The deepest longings of our hearts can only be truly satisfied by being fully known and fully loved by Him. There is no substitute—there is no filler—there is no other lover worth chasing.

Love, Harmony
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PS. You can order my new memoir, Scars and Stilettos at www.iamatreasure.com/store

Where Does it Hurt

Where Does it Hurt?

The other day, my 1-year-old took her first tumble in the bathtub. After hitting her chin on the side of the tub, she slipped face-first into the water. I quickly swept her to her feet and began to examine her for injuries. She looked me directly in the eyes and cried at the top of her lungs. She wanted to know one thing, “Am I going to be okay?”

After finding no blood, bumps, or bruises, I held her in my arms and answered her question. “That was so scary but you are going to be okay, darling. Mommy is right here.” Within moments she quieted and went right back to playing with her bath toys.

Pain can be good. It tells us that something is wrong—that there is something that needs to be addressed.

I realized that my daughter’s response to her pain and fear was actually very healthy. She turned to me, her caregiver, and allowed me to assess her injury and give her comfort. It got me thinking about how I handle pain. Do I always go to God, my loving caregiver, and allow Him to assess my injury? To tell me if there is a wound that needs tending to?

The following day, I found myself hitting a wall. How many of you know that walls can hurt? So I came up with a solution: “I need a freaking piece of chocolate,” I said out loud. The chocolate tasted great, but it didn’t solve the issue. My prescription for the pain was insufficient.

In that moment, I could hear God whisper to my heart, “Come to me…Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”. In that moment, what I needed was the loving presence of my Caregiver, my Loving Father. I needed to spend some time with God and allow Him to assess my hurts. Like my daughter after her fall in the bath, I just needed God to tell me that I was in fact, going to be okay. It was an instance in which I just needed some perspective.

But sometimes our pain is an indication of an actual injury that needs tending. Perhaps an unhealed hurt, or a root of unforgiveness or rejection. We are walking wounded, trying to pretend that all is well—stuffing our faces with chocolate, our appointment books with activities, our minds with television. But these things can only offer temporary relief from the symptoms of our pain. They do not heal our injuries. We again find that our prescriptions for the pain are insufficient.

And there comes a point when our prescriptions for the pain can actually bring more pain. A point when they go from being insufficient, to destructive. It is when the chocolate becomes binge eating and excess weight that jeopardizes our health. When the pain of our loneliness causes us to look for connection in affairs and meaningless sex that jeopardize our families and our hearts. It’s when social drinking turns to drunken stupors, hangovers and missed work.

There comes a time when our prescription for the pain becomes our addiction. We are chasing after what we think we need when only one thing can satisfy.

God has a cure. He says, “Come to me” for “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Ps 147:3). In the arms of our Loving Caregiver, there is rest. There is safety. There is comfort. There is healing.

Written by Harmony Dust for Treasures
www.iamatreasure.com

Healing Journey

My Healing Journey
by Harmony Dust

Every journey is different. Every time Jesus healed someone in the bible he did it differently. And so it is with us. There is no secret formula for healing, but I believe that there are steps that we can take and choices we can make that will strength to our lives. Here are just a few of the things that I discovered on my own healing journey.

Relate

There is no substitute for a real and honest relationship with God. He is Lord over my life and so much more. Through reading His word, praying and simply spending time being quiet and still with Him, I have come to know Him as Father, Friend, Comforter, Healer, Redeemer, Provider, and the Lover of my soul. He is not a distant God, sitting in some far off place judging you and me. He is a God of mercy, grace and compassion. He is Immanuel, God who is with us.

Plant

We are not meant to do life alone. Humans are relational beings designed for community. A tree cannot grow unless it is planted, and I strongly believe that my life would not bear the fruit it has if I had not been planted in my church. I am not talking about simply doing the Christian duty of sitting through a Sunday service. I believe that the local church plays an irreplaceable role on this planet. When the local church is healthy, it is a place where people can come to worship, learn, grow, and experience healing, grace, mercy and the unconditional love of God. It is where I have built some of my most meaningful and flourishing relationships with people who know me—imperfections and all—and love me anyway.

Decide

In the bible (John 5), we read the story of a man, lying on a mat, who had been disabled for 38 years. Jesus asks him a question: “Do you want to get well?” At that point, the man starts coming up with excuses, saying that nobody would help him and every time he tried to get better, somebody got in his way. Ultimately, Jesus instructs the man to “take up his mat and walk”. He follows this instruction and is healed.

I believe that Jesus is asking you and I the same question. Do you want to get well? Sometimes we think we want to get better, but when it comes down to it, we have a million excuses as to why we can’t. We become comfortable with our condition and content to remain paralyzed on our mats.

Ultimately, the decision is in our hands. Nobody can want it for us. God can’t force it on us. We must decide to get well.

Replace

Eleven years ago, I believed a lot of lies. They were so woven into the fabric of my being that they became my personal truth. I believed that I was worthless, stupid, and unlovable. My life reflected what I thought to be true because I made choices based on those deep and hidden beliefs.

The bible tells us to “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). It also says that we are to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

There is a process of transformation that requires action on our part. It is up to us to actively replace the lies we believe with truth. (See Appendix B)

Face

In the well-known story of David and Goliath, David faced and defeated his giant with a sling and a stone. Historically, in the days of Exodus, the Israelites had been afraid to enter the promise land because of the many “giants” who inhabited that territory. It was the fear of the giants, not the giants themselves that kept the people from God’s promise for them.
In my own journey, I have had to face some big giants: Sexual abuse, rape, father issues, fear, rejection, abandonment, unforgiveness, and bitterness to name a few. To rattle them off in a list like this is easy, but to actually face each of these head on was been a battle. I can distinctly remember fighting though Los Angeles traffic to make the 1 1/2 hour commute to see my therapist where I had to pay upwards of $60 an hour to face some of my giants. I would much rather have been sitting on my couch eating chocolate ice cream watching reruns of Seinfeld. But if I wanted to walk in the fullness of God’s promises for my life, there were giants to be faced. Sometimes I felt like David—like I was facing a seasoned combatant with weapons as puny as a sling and a stone. But during those times I learned that like David, God has given me the tools I need to face the giants in my life, and that I never have to face them on my own.

Forgive

I used to think that some things were simply unforgivable—rape and murder among them. I felt completely justified in hating the ex-boyfriend who raped me. To forgive him seemed to mean that what he did was okay and it wasn’t.
Eventually, I learned that forgiveness is a vertical transaction between me and God, not a horizontal one between me and another human. God has forgiven me and He asks me to forgive others.

I have heard it said that forgiveness is setting someone free and realizing the prisoner was you. At first I forgave out of obedience, but when I finally forgave, I realized that I was the one being held captive by my unforgiveness. The people that have hurt me were living their lives, going about their merry way, while I was seething with anger, hurt and bitterness. Unforgiveness was holding me prisoner.

Stay

The journey is never over so be gracious with yourself and stay committed to the course. We are all in a process of becoming—becoming healed, becoming whole, becoming closer to God, and becoming all that we are created to be.
God is a gentleman. He never forces us to change or gives us more than we can bear. He walks us through this process one step at a time. In His strength we are able to face our giants one by one.

I could apply 110 steps to healing and read a zillion self-help books, but what I am able to accomplish on my own pales in comparison to what can happen when I invite the transforming, gracious and redeeming power of God into my life. His love transcends knowledge, reason, and human effort.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations,
for ever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3:17-21

What do you believe is standing in the way of your healing? Which of these steps might God be asking you to take today? Comment below...

*To order the Healing Journey cd, or other resources for healing, visit www.iamatreasure.com/store

Love Painted

Treasures Outreach Update October 2008

Friday night was the first outreach I have attended since having my precious daughter in July. Running a ministry and raising a beautiful baby girl is teaching me a lot about surrender. Let’s be honest, my tendency towards being Type A can get me bogged down in details and day planners until my head spins. But I am learning that after a reasonable amount of prayer and planning, the best that I can do is show up and trust that God will move. And that is exactly what He has been doing. Funny enough, as I am releasing more and more to Him, it seems that MORE, not less, is being accomplished. John the Baptist was right when he said, “He must become greater; I must become less.” John 3:30

When I showed up for the outreach, volunteers arrived in such record numbers that we were able to split up our Hollywood route between two groups! Thanks to the welcoming managers and door guys, women in every single club we visited received a gift bag.

We were also joined by new friends from Connecticut and Oregon who came along to get some hands on training in order to take the Treasures vision home with them.

At one club, we handed out a gift to a woman who was running out the door in tears telling management she needed a minute to herself. We hope and pray that in that time she spent alone, she opened the gift and took the message to heart. She is so deeply loved.

Later that night, we had the honor of accompanying a young woman on her first trip back to the club she used to work at. Her old co-workers greeted her with welcoming arms. A talented artist, she painted a stunning portrait of a mighty angel for the girls to put up in the dressing room.

A bouncer studied her work with heartfelt appreciation. “What’s it called?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Why don’t you name it?” she replied.

He stood back and examined it intently. “Gabriel. It should be called ‘Gabriel’” he nodded with certainty.

She painted her love for the women in that club with each stroke of her brush. And from what I could tell, the message was well received.

Thank you for your prayers and support!

Love,
Harmony
www.iamatreasure.com
Treasures Myspace

Be Still

A Treasure for You: The Treasures E-Devotional
“Be Still”

And he took them, and went aside privately into a desert place… Luke 9:10

Last week my Internet crashed just as I was getting ready to send out a project I have been working on for no less than 6 YEARS. I clicked send on the email, relieved that I had made the deadline, and kaput! It was down.

I called the Internet Company where I yelled at a glitchy voice response system, was transferred 7 times, and was placed on hold for a total of 2 HOURS. I finally reached the right person in the right department who told me a technician would be at my house in a week.

“How do you expect me to go without Internet? I don’t have the luxury of taking a week off to wait for your technician!” I lamented into my Bluetooth receiver while simultaneously sorting through the day’s mail.

The call was mysteriously disconnected.

My head throbbed and I felt the muscles in my chest tighten. It was enough to make me want to scream at the top of my lungs.

My husband tiptoed over to me like a soldier in a field of mines. “Babe…um. Well…you know…uh…he Bible.” He gently suggested.

He was right. I hadn’t been making enough time for that. So I went into my room and threw myself on the bed. “Okay God. You have my attention. What do you want me to read? What do you want to say to me? I’m listening.” I rattled on frantically.

Silence.

“I can’t hear you. God seriously. Who do you want me to pray for? Is there something you want me to do? Just tell me and I’ll do it.”

“Be still” I felt Him whisper to my heart. “Be still and know that I am God.”

All He wanted was my stillness.

I have been so wired up and plugged in, multi-tasking and moving at fiber optic speeds, that I had forgotten the art of stillness. Yet it is in this practiced quiet that we will find the refreshing that we need. Even Jesus went aside privately to a desert place. And it’s not like he didn’t have anything else to do. There were people to be healed and fed; a world that needed saving, still he withdrew to places without hurry and distraction.

If Jesus Himself, needed quiet and stillness, then how can I expect to go without these things?

So I am practicing being still and I am reminded of all that He is.

He is Comforter, Redeemer, our Ever-Present Help in times of Trouble. He understands the unintelligible cries of our hearts. He is Father and Friend, Lover and King. He captures our tears in His bottle and refreshes our weary souls. His burden is easy. His plans are good. His grace is sufficient. His hand is gentle and loving.

He is God.

Be still and know Him.



Written by Harmony Dust for Treasures
www.iamatreasure.com
www.myspace.com/treasuresnonprofit